The fear here is that asking will end it. Sometimes it does — and when it does, what ended was an arrangement that required you to want less than you want. Asking doesn't create that problem, it reveals it.
There is no perfect wording that makes an unwilling person willing. Stop looking for it; it's costing you months.
Ask for one specific thing, not a general improvement. 'More effort' is unanswerable. 'Can we plan something once a week' is a yes or a no.
“one thing i'd really like is for us to have something planned each week. how does that sound?”
“small request, easy to grant: one plan a week. that's the whole ask”
“i want to see you weekly. is that something you're up for?”
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Was It Casual is for reflection, not therapy or professional advice.